Honoring Dads: Strength Through the Shared Journey of Birth

My heart is committed to supporting not just Mom, but also Dad—the one who is standing by, holding space, offering encouragement, and walking the sacred path of labor and delivery together. Often, when we think of birth, we focus on the mother and baby, as it’s their physical journey. But fathers are just as essential to the experience, and their role significantly impacts the health and well-being of the entire family. 

I truly believe that bringing a child into the world is a shared battle, a team effort that requires unity, emotional strength, and faith. As a doula, one of my deepest desires is to support couples in a way that not only prepares them for the birth but also strengthens their relationship through the process. After all, the birth of a child is one of the most profound moments in a couple’s life, and walking through it together can fortify their bond in ways that last far beyond the delivery room.

Why Dads Matter: The Role of the Partner in Birth

In the context of labor and birth, Dad plays a critical role. His presence, encouragement, and support have a direct impact on Mom’s experience, both emotionally and physically. Studies show that when Dads are actively involved in the birth, Mom has a greater sense of security, and the overall birth experience tends to be more positive. It also helps Dads feel more connected to the child from the very beginning.

Beyond the physical support, a Dad’s emotional presence is invaluable. His words of encouragement, his steady hand, his prayers over Mom, and the way he listens can give her the strength and courage she needs to move through each stage of labor. But Dads also experience their own emotional rollercoaster during this process. They may feel excited, anxious, unsure, or even overwhelmed, but they don’t always have the same support structures in place to process those emotions.

In my role as a doula, I aim to support both parents, creating an environment where they each feel seen, valued, and equipped for the journey ahead.

Supporting the Couple’s Marriage Through Birth

Birth is a profound and transformative experience that doesn’t just bring a new child into the world—it also brings a new chapter to the couple’s relationship. While pregnancy and birth are largely about the physical changes the birthing parent undergoes, the entire process can shift the dynamics of the marriage. It’s a time when stress, fear, and vulnerability can surface, but it’s also a time when deep love, trust, and commitment can be built.

I believe that supporting a couple as a team—not just as individuals—during the birth process is essential. The shared experience of birth can become a powerful bonding experience, but it requires intentional effort to stay connected, communicate openly, and support one another, especially during labor.

I help couples prepare for labor by coaching them how to work together through each stage. It’s important for both partners to understand what’s happening during labor and how they can support each other emotionally, physically, and spiritually. When they work as a team, the couple’s bond is strengthened, and their faith in one another deepens. This shared experience of the “battle” of birth becomes a foundation they can draw on as they transition into parenthood.

Preparing Dad to Be Supported During Labor

Often, much of the birth preparation focuses on the birthing parent, but it’s just as important to consider how Dad can be supported through the process. Labor is intense, and while their role is vital, it can also be emotionally and physically exhausting for them. It’s essential that dads feel well-supported and equipped for their role in the birth process.

Here are a few ways a couple can prepare to ensure dad is supported during labor:

Understand His Role

I work with couples to ensure that Dad understands how important his role is in the birth process. Dads are not “just spectators” or “helpers” in the room—they are active participants. I help them recognize how their encouragement, presence, and hands-on support can make a difference in Mom’s experience. This understanding helps them feel empowered and connected to the process, rather than feeling like a passive observer.

Discuss Expectations and Fears Ahead of Time

Labor can be unpredictable, and it’s normal for both parents to feel a mix of emotions. However, it’s important that both partners discuss their expectations, fears, and desires before labor begins. Dads often feel the pressure to “fix” things when their partner is in pain or distress. Having an open conversation about how they can best support one another during labor can reduce anxiety and help Dad feel more confident in his role.

Create a Plan for Physical Support

Dads are often the ones physically supporting their partners through labor—whether it’s holding a hand, massaging the back, or helping with breathing techniques. Preparing for these physical tasks can help him feel more confident in the moment. In our sessions, I work with couples to teach Dad specific techniques—like assisting Mom through the Side Lying Release and other Spinning Babies essentials, encouraging staying present and watching for how she’s coping, or being the primary source of emotional support. Knowing what to expect and how to help physically will empower him during labor.

Encourage Rest and Self-Care

It’s easy to forget that Dads need to care for themselves too during this time. Labor can be a long and exhausting process, and Dads are often running on little sleep or food. I encourage Dads to take breaks when they can, drink water, and find moments to re-energize. If Dad is physically worn out, he won’t be able to offer the level of support needed during labor.

Spiritual Support

Pregnancy and birth are deeply spiritual experiences, and it’s important to prepare spiritually for the birth as a couple. I encourage Dads to be actively involved in prayer and Scripture readings during this time, both for their own strength and to support their partner through birth and into what can be the driest spiritual season of a woman’s life, postpartum. Prayer can be a powerful tool in calming fears and focusing hearts, allowing both partners to feel God’s presence in the delivery room. I guide couples in praying together for the health and safety of the mother and child, for peace and clarity during labor, and for the strength to face any challenges that arise.

Be Prepared for the Unexpected  

Birth is unpredictable, and part of supporting a Dad is helping him mentally prepare for the unknowns. I provide reassurance that, no matter how things unfold, he is not alone. Together, the couple will be able to navigate any surprises with faith and resilience. In some cases, having a backup plan or being flexible with the birth plan can relieve some of the pressure Dads may feel and I make sure we discuss ALL the options prenatally! A strong, faith-centered approach to the unknowns of birth helps both partners stay grounded in peace.

The Sacred Partnership of Marriage and Birth

Ultimately, the experience of birth isn’t just about bringing a baby into the world—it’s about bringing a new level of understanding, respect, and love into the marriage. The shared battle of labor can become a defining moment in a couple’s relationship. It is in those moments of struggle, pain, and triumph that a husband and wife learn the true depths of their commitment to one another. As a doula, I strive to support both partners as they walk this sacred journey together, reminding them of the powerful role they both play in the birth of their child and in the strengthening of their marriage.

God has designed marriage to be a partnership—one where each person’s strengths and vulnerabilities complement the other. Birth, in its raw and powerful nature, allows couples to experience the full breadth of what it means to lean on each other, trust each other, and walk together in faith. It is a journey that will strengthen not only their relationship with each other but also with the Lord.

In the end, my goal as a doula is to support couples in a way that honors their unique roles in the birth process, strengthens their marriage, and deepens their faith. Birth is a sacred, shared experience, and by working together, both partners can walk through it with confidence, love, and unwavering trust in God’s plan.